I was looking through some of my articles and thinking about some of my experiences of my years in sobriety. I have always kept up my connection with my local AA meetings and make a point to attend meetings a few times each week. AA was the process I stumbled into when I was desperately seeking change and relief from my using. Of course it was later on that I found I had more than just a using problem that needed an overhaul...it was many many things about my internal thinking process that kept me in a place where I felt a victim, I felt extremely powerless, and completely NOT responsible for my lot in life.
I have fifteen years, almost sixteen years of clean time from using any drugs and /or alcohol to cope with life. What a wild ride! I have no real idea why or how I managed to remain free of using, especially those early years! They were extreme hell for me. I hated myself, and those around me. I did not have any trust for anyone, I was paranoid and very anxious, that insanity that AA'ers speak of is where I was at.
Somewhere into 5 years of clean time I began to feel better physically and emotionally, but mentally I continued to beat myself up daily, put myself down...I had the committee voices going on, the repetitive thoughts running non-stop and by twelve years of my clean time I was ready to commit suicide just to halt the voices that were constantly attacking me and draining me of any true joy and passion in my life!
Today, I work with people in recovery as a life coach, and I help them to understand what is happening with the voices, how to change those and even silence them! I am grateful today that I did go through those years of pain and agony, because without that I would not understand that others are also experiencing this in their lives as well. My clients do not spend years trying to cope with it, they spend a few months understanding what it is, and changing it!
There is freedom in coaching that I found no where else, a freedom from your own self inflicted abuse! True inner deep felt and experienced joy is a direct result of this freedom from the mind! I love each and every opportunity I am presented with in supporting others who have a desire to move forward, no matter what that is for each individual client!